PMS??

So this post isn't really a happy one, but... I am in a down mood. I need to vent somewhere... But really I guess its just life in general. Its always going to have problems no matter what. First of all I have had something on my mind a lot lately, well.. for awhile, I really want another baby. I have been off the pill for over a year and no baby :( It makes me so upset. But I guess with the way things have been generally going in my life it would be foolish to bring another innocent life into this world. SO obviously god knows what he is doing. It just adds hurt to the hurt and it really sometimes hurts. Another thing that sucks is money of course.. I have been job hunting which also sucks. I also really want to go to school and do something with this short roller coaster life that I enjoy somewhat for money. I just don't know... And I hate my weight, but what girl doesn't.. I think I could weigh ten pounds and still be unsatisfied with myself. I should just be happy with who I am, and some days I actually am. I feel sexy and pretty.... But all it takes is one comment about the dumb whore in a short skirt or one picture of a perfect woman and I feel so so ugly. I just don't get it. AND I know no matter what I do I will always be what I am, in fact I am getting older and saggier every day. Why do I diet? Why do I wear make-up? Is it for me? Is it for Jason? Who the fuck do I need to impress so much and why do I feel I have to? Its so exhausting trying to impress people all the damn time. I am never going to have a gorgeous body. My boobs will never be amazing and neither will my legs. YUCK I am done with that topic. I just want to have things be happy all around for one day. AND I want to not be congested for once. I have had a cold almost all winter. I am so over the chapped nose and sore throat. I don't know... I just need something really good to happen to me to change my outlook on things. On my life. I need to be happy for Drake, he is always so happy for everyone. I don't know I feel so lonely...